Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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