so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
