I will die if light touches me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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