She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
