Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
