apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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