I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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