your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
