I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
