if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
