you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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