apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
