Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
