ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
