I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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