if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
