Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
