I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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