We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
