I am in a vortex of obligation.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
