it was like having sex with a tree stump
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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