He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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