There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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