Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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