Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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