Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
