Need sex. Gaining weight.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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