wanna go halves on a baby?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
