they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
