I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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