How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
