Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
