Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
