I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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