Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
