wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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