Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
