I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
