today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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