I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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