We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
