guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
