wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
