I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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