If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
