If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
COCAINE IS GR8
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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