Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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