My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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