I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
