8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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