No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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