found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
