So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
