ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
