I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
