he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
