he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
