i think i have herpe
just one?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
