I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
